Snogging 101 with Professor Granger
by Ravyn89
Summary: “So we’ll practice with each other. I can teach you and I'll have a better idea of what guys your age are like in the first awkward kiss since I very much doubt Ron will ever have a girlfriend.” Thus began the fateful kissing lessons Harry/Hermione AU
1. Lesson One

**Title:** Snogging 101 with Professor Granger

**Author:** FanFreak (Ravyn89)

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter... I can't really say I own the idea, I'm sure it's been done somewhere... But as I've never encountered it, I am going to slightly claim it as my own original idea.

**Summary:** Harry's nervous about kissing Cho. After all, he's never kissed a girl before and he can pretty much tell that the first kiss is really important. At least for the girl anyways. So in talking to Hermione about it, she agrees to teach him how to kiss girls since she has experience from kissing Krum. The kicker, she also wants to kiss Harry so that she knows how an inexperienced boy - like Ron - will kiss so she knows whether she ought to suggest our favorite Weasley get a girlfriend before she makes her movie. Thus begins the kissing lessons! Let the insanity ensue.

**Author's Note:** This idea came from watching OotP when Hermione said "I'm sure Harry's kissing is perfectly satisfactory" and my sister said "How would she know?" At which point I said "because she taught him how to kiss... oooh! Awesome fanfic idea." So this is mostly a comedic romance fic. I had thought it would be a one shot where Harry and Hermione practice kissing and then decide they actually like each other... then it sort of exploded in my head. If you have any ideas for lessons, let me know XD It's rated M just in case I get a little graphic in the description of kissing... I swear, it'll never go further.

_Content warning: Sexual innuendos, references to breasts, and subtle hinting to an erection... because boys do that when they want to have sex ^_^_

**Lesson One: The Romantic or Sexual Hug**

"Cho couldn't keep her eyes off you, could she?"

It felt like Harry has just swallowed a clammy fish. He had gone numb and his stomach was twitching. Cho had been looking at him? Harry had gone dizzy in delight and feverish in fear. All this time he had been hoping to go out with her but she liked Cedric. Now Cedric was dead and… Well, Harry didn't much feel like thinking about that.

But he'd never kissed a girl before! Harry had never gone on a date, either. Yule Ball didn't count since he didn't end up dancing with Patil more than once. And they certainly didn't _kiss_. What was Harry supposed to do? He was sure Cho was more than experienced. She'd probably kissed with Cedric all the time.

The thought made him ill.

"H-Hermione…" choked Harry one day when they were sitting alone in the Common Room. Ron was out practicing for Quidditch, which Harry would have been as well if he hadn't felt a desperate need to talk to the only girl he knew. "How important is the first kiss?"

Hermione's book closed with a snap and she met Harry's gaze. She didn't look all that surprised, nor did she appear mad. Instead Hermione just looked thoughtful, as if contemplating the answer she could give to Harry. More than likely she didn't want to hurt Harry's feelings. The longer she waited, though, the more Harry's stomach wriggled and he knew the first kiss was _very_ important. Especially to the girl.

"Why do you ask, Harry?" Hermione asked, relaxing physically and setting her book aside.

"Well… If Cho seems interested in me," said Harry, feeling uncomfortable. He wiggled in his seat under Hermione's intense gaze. "I don't want to screw this up Hermione! But I've never kissed a girl before. What if I, I don't know, end up kissing her nose? Or we bump heads? Maybe I'll be completely horrible at it! A limp fish, completely dead, with no idea what to do with my lips."

"Or hands," said Hermione, thoughtfully. Noticing how pale Harry had suddenly gone she sat up. "Don't worry, Harry. I'm sure your instincts would pick up. You'd certainly know what to do with your lips! I doubt very much you'd be a… er… limp fish."

Harry groaned and dropped his face in his hands. "I wonder if my mom was the first person my dad ever kissed…"

"Doubtful," said Hermione. "They probably had several girlfriends and boyfriends before they dated each other. That is to say, James had girlfriends and your mother had boyfriends…"

Harry lifted his face and raised his eyebrows. "Thanks Hermione. Very helpful. So insightful…"

"You're serious about Cho, then?" said Hermione.

"Yes!" said Harry, and his voice sounded rather strangled. He'd liked Cho since his third year. He had wanted to go to the Yule Ball with her but she'd already agreed to go with Cedric. Now was his chance and… would one kiss ruin it?

"Here's what we'll do then," said Hermione, clapping her hands together.

"We?" said Harry, blinking.

"You want to be prepared to kiss Cho," Hermione stated. "I have experience from kissing Krum but I eventually want to kiss Ron."

"Say what?" said Harry, staring at Hermione blankly. His two best mates? Shouldn't he have seen this coming?

Hermione plunged on, ignoring his comment. "So we'll practice with each other. I can teach you and I have a better idea of what guys your age are like in the first awkward kiss since I very much doubt Ron will ever have a girlfriend."

"You might be surprised to hear it, Hermione," said Harry, a little flabbergasted but some how amused. "But Ron is my best mate and if girls can't have me… they'll go after him."

Hermione sniffed. "Be that as it may, but Ron is a clumsy teenage boy-"

"Aren't we all?"

"And I suppose I want to know whether it's worth it to be Ron's first kiss," said Hermione haughtily. "If you completely suck at kissing your first try, Harry, I'll know that I need t suggest to Ron to date somebody else for a try. And I'll be able to teach you how to kiss like a pro."

Harry practically choked. "A kissing pro, huh? Krum the master, is he?"

"Krum is a very satisfactory kisser, Harry, if you must know," said Hermione, her cheeks a little pink. "Though I don't think he's quite your taste."

Harry laughed heartily. He'd never quite understood why he was a mess around other girls and yet always so relaxed around Hermione. It was probably because they were friends and nothing more. Didn't have the awkwardness of being attracted to one another. No wonder Ron and Hermione were fighting all the time. They couldn't get a long because they liked each other.

Now that Harry had that figured out…

They were able to set up a time and a place to start the kissing lessons before Ron showed up from his Quidditch practice. At which point the conversation turned to possible places for them to practice Defense Against the Dark Arts without Umbridge finding out.

The next day Harry made his way nervously to an empty classroom and found Hermione was already waiting for him. He paused within the doorway, watching her sit on a desk, kicking her feet in the air above the ground. She was in nothing but a white blouse and her school skirt. Her bushy brown hair was up in a messy bun, brunette strands hanging around her face.

How had Harry never noticed she was beautiful before? Clearing his throat at the thought caused Hermione to notice him and the grin that spread across her face was both fiendish and alluring. Harry wondered if he'd pass the test if he just grabbed her and kissed her.

But then he thought of Cho and his palms went sweaty and he automatically went pale. Oh sure, it was just fine to think of kissing Hermione without getting nervous but think of Cho and he secreted sweat from every pore on his body. Not fair.

"Alright, Mr. Potter," said Hermione in her best imitation of McGonagall. Harry laughed. "Our first lesson with be a hug."

"A hug?" said Harry, perplexed. "No offense, but I'd rather kiss Cho than hug her. Hugs are for friends and…" He paused for a moment, as he felt a pressure on his heart. "And family."

"Not true!" said Hermione briskly, getting to her feet. "There is such a thing as a romantic hug. Or more commonly known as the sexual hug."

"Oh, that's great, Hermione," said Harry, wondering if he should, perhaps, back out now. "We're just going to skip the kiss altogether and go straight to sex?"

"Harry Potter!" cried Hermione, her cheeks going pink. "Get your mind out of the gutter."

"I'm about to practice kissing with my best friend who likes my other best friend who very possibly likes you back," said Harry with a chuckle. "Excuse me if I revert to your average teenage male for a few minutes."

Hermione giggled for a moment before clearing her throat and straightening up, fixing Harry with a serious stare. Well, he'd made her laugh. That was a start at least. She needed to loosen up some if she ever expected to get along well with Ron! Still, Harry would have to pull his act together if he expected to get any real help out of Hermione.

"Alright," said Hermione, standing in front of Harry. "Hug me."

Harry hesitated before putting his arms around her shoulders. Hermione huffed and he backed off, looking sheepish.

"What'd I do wrong? I was trying to be respectful," said Harry.

"That's precisely what you did wrong, Harry!" said Hermione, throwing her hands in the air. "I quite understand I'm not quite as well endowed as Cho Chang, but the purpose of the hug is so that a guy gets an excuse to feel a girl's breasts."

"Breasts?" said Harry, mouth hanging open.

"Oh, don't give me that look, Harry," said Hermione, eyes narrowing. "All guys like breasts and all girls have them once we've reached a certain age. Basic biology."

"Yeah, but, well… uh…"

"Don't you _like_ my breasts, Harry?"

Oh, that wasn't fair. Hermione was just not playing fair! Harry was about ready to grab one of the breasts in question and kiss her just to make her shut up! He was nervous, and sweaty, and his clothes were feeling rather tight in uncomfortable areas. But he didn't know what to say! She was one of his best friends for heavens sake! What if Ron had walked up to him and asked if Harry liked his butt? Harry would have told him never to ask him that again.

Just because Hermione was female did not mean Harry was going to treat her any differently than his other best friend.

But it was probably an act. What if Cho asked him that question? Oh, Harry dreaded that day ever coming… He'd probably babble like an idiot before just pressing his face into her chest and then letting her perform the Avada Kedavra on him. He'd deserve it. Probably the point of this lesson was to make sure Harry _didn't_ behave like a babbling idiot.

"You're breasts are fine, Hermione," said Harry, crossing his arm. "Size doesn't really matter."

He was pretty sure the comment shocked her. Hermione blinked rapidly, her face going rather white. Then she took a deep breath.

"Okay, so hug me like you mean it!" said Hermione. "If you like my breasts as much as you say you do, then prove it."

It went on like that for about an hour. They went over other things than simple arithmetic (guys plus boobs equal like). The entire time Harry was drilled on where to place his hands on a female body, practicing, of course, on Hermione. He had to place his hands so it seemed he appreciated not only her as a person ("Not directly on my breast you idiot!") but her body as well ("Stop being so tentative! At least act like you _might_ grope my butt.") Not to mention there was the seductive hand on the face or in the hair – which could be applied by either male or female – the hand on the shoulder, holding hands, or standing so close you weren't touching but it felt like you were touching.

"Can I just kiss you now?" asked Harry when they had been standing no more than an inch apart for about five minutes, staring intently into each others eyes.

Hermione reached out and shoved him hard in the chest, turning around, and stalking to a corner of the room.

"Oh, come on, Hermione! Don't be like that," said Harry, slapping a hand to his forehead. "What'd I do wrong?"

"Hmph," said Hermione, glaring over her shoulder. "You were being insensitive!"

"Please tell me this is another test," sighed Harry wearily. "I'm too tired for this, Hermione. I apologize, okay? I'm really sorry. I won't kiss you until you're ready."

Hermione's face brightened and she walked back to where she had left Harry. "You are forgiven. Oh, and you passed lesson one. Meet you here tomorrow?"

Harry closed his eyes and stood there for a moment, counting under his breath so he didn't explode. All of that and they hadn't even gotten to the kissing yet? What if he ended up going out with Cho _tomorrow_? She'd probably expect him to kiss her! What was he supposed to say? "Sorry, can't. My kissing instructor hasn't said I've passed Snogging 101 yet."

"I suppose, Professor Granger," said Harry, rubbing a hand on his forehead. Usually he did this because his scar hurt. Today, his brain just hurt. Girls were so confusing.

"See you then, Harry."

Though. This was the sort of thing the _ought_ to teach. Useful things about how to treat girls and how to kiss. That way the male species didn't make utter fools of themselves. Though the idea of sharing Hermione as a teacher with anybody else was oddly disconcerting.

It was because his best mate liked her, though Harry couldn't prove it yet. Harry didn't think it was appropriate that Hermione kiss anybody other than Ron… and him. But it was for a good cause. Both ways around.

Or maybe he was just justifying the fact that he was an average teenage guy and if he was going to kiss Hermione he didn't want to share. Even if he didn't like her that way and didn't want to go out with her. Until Harry kissed Hermione… nobody else could.

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Please review! I'd love to know what you think of the story idea ^_^ I apologize if any of the characters seem a little out of character. I feel it's necessary for a comedy...


	2. Lesson Two

**Title:** Snogging 101 with Professor Granger

**Author:** Me!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of this. Though I'd like to point out that several people have mentioned "The Snogging Chronicles" and before today I had never read it. I have read it now and, really, our stories are nothing alike.

**Author's Note:** This... I'm sorry, this is kind of a boring, slow chapter. I don't know why. It just happened. I really felt like I needed to get Ron and Ginny into the story and once I took time to do that, I didn't have the energy to spend a whole lot of time on Lesson Two. Hopefully Lesson Three will be more fun. *still needs to decide what lesson that ought to be*

* * *

**Lesson Two: The First Date and Contact**

It was getting more difficult for students to be out of sight of a teacher without getting in trouble. As such, Hermione hadn't set up a time for a new lesson. On top of rising homework levels, Umbridge, and the search for a place to practice Defense Against the Dark Arts Harry's schedule was pretty much swamped anyways. Angelina had practically been crying when she told Harry that they might not be able to do Quidditch. Of course that had been taken care of straight away by McGonagall, adding something else to his ever growing list of things he'd rather not waste his time on.

Having Umbridge around kind of sucked the life out of Quidditch anyways.

"Harry, you'll be glad to know," Hermione said, cornering him in the hallways on Thursday, "that I have spoken to that woman supposedly teaching us Defense."

She was frowning heavily and Harry had a distinct feeling that her frustration at Umbridge's lack of teaching skills had quite over crowded her focus. He snapped his fingers in front of her face.

"You were saying, Hermione?" he said, drawing the brunette's attention back to him.

"Oh, yes," said Hermione, straightening up. "She has agreed to allow me access to that classroom to do as I please. I told her I'd be holding an anti half breed club there. Invite only, so she couldn't be sending Slytherins my way." Hermione looked positively sick. The thought of such a club was rather nauseating.

"Basically we have full range to hang out there when we want?" prompted Harry as Hermione seemed distracted in her own head again. Probably something about house-elf rights and wanting to come up with some sort of club to go alongside _spew_.

"Yes, pretty much," said Hermione. "Unfortunately that doesn't do us much good for practicing Defense… but we can get your personal problem solved."

"Will there actually be kissing this time?" inquired Harry, raising his eyebrows.

Hermione grinned and started to walk away. "Show up tomorrow at six o'clock and find out."

She was totally bating him. Probably it was another test. See how long he could hold out not kissing her. It seemed like a Hermione sort of thing. Prove that Harry was a decent guy and meant what he said about not kissing her until she was ready. Started to make her think if she really ever snogged Krum.

Scratch that. He was most certain she had snogged Krum. Possibly Ginny walked in on it too and told one of her brothers who "accidentally" let it slip to Ron. Would explain why he was always so angry when Krum was brought up. Not that Ron had ever need an excuse to be angry about the subject of Hermione. He just seemed more so than usual lately.

"My essay is just fine!" Ron was shouting in the common room the next day as Harry came down from the dormitory. He paused half way down a step. He had _left_ the two of them in good enough spirits. What had changed in those thirty minutes in which he had gone to get his invisibility cloak? "Leave my introduction alone. Bloody hell, woman, you don't own me!"

"I'm your sister," Ginny's voice floated up to Harry, and entirely perplexed he continued down into the common room. "Of course I own you," the red headed girl scoffed.

Strange. Harry had quite expected Hermione. But as he looked around the common room she was no where to be seen. He glanced at his watch but he still had half an hour before six. Where had she gotten to? The library? At this time? Would be just like her! Even more likely for her to get so caught up in some book of hers that she'd forget about Harry.

"Harry, tell my pig headed sister that my essay is fine," Ron moaned as Ginny finally claimed the piece of parchment and started charming ink splotches off of it.

"Sorry, mate," said Harry, holding up his hands. "Not my department. Hey, Ginny."

The red head looked startled and glanced up at Harry. "H-hey, Harry," she said, her eyes wide. Strange. It wasn't like Harry didn't acknowledge her from time to time. Especially since she had _stopped_ getting into strange accidents when he did so. Wasn't she dating somebody? Michael… something. He had been at the first meeting.

"Any ideas so far…" murmured Harry as he came closer to the duo. "For Defense…"

"Michael and I have been discussing," said Ginny, her embarrassment seemingly forgotten. Probably just a childish relapse. Harry could forgive her that.

"You mean, in between sticking your tongues down each others throats," scoffed Ron, reclaiming his essay.

The look on Ginny's face could have rivaled Mrs. Weasley. "Just because you've never snogged somebody before in your life doesn't mean you have to diss those that have!" Ginny snapped, jumping to her feet. "I'm _sorry_ Hermione's first kiss was with an _available_ guy that liked her back instead of a prat like you!"

Both of the guys gaped at Ginny as she stormed up and into her the girl's dormitory. Well, that proved it then. Ginny probably had caught Hermione snogging with Krum, had told Ron, and the git couldn't forgive his _sister_ for telling him. Frowning, Harry sat down across from his friend, crossing his arms.

"What?" snarled Ron. "I'm not in the mood."

"Forgive her," said Harry sternly.

Ron glanced up at the girl's dormitory then shook his head. "Can't. I'm not allowed up there."

Indignantly, Harry reached out and slapped Ron across the head. "Listen, you're my best mate. But sometimes you can be an idiot!"

"What was that for," moaned Ron, rubbing his head.

"She's your _sister_," said Harry. "She thought she was _helping_ you by telling you about Hermione and Krum."

Ron looked up heatedly. "Oh, did you know as well? Does the whole bloody castle know? Did she just tell everybody but me?"

"Nobody got told anything, Ron," said Harry. Though that was partly a lie. After all, Hermione had confessed to snogging with Krum to him. But that was confidential and she probably hadn't felt uncomfortable telling him because they were just friends while Ron obviously fancied her. Even if the stupid Weasley couldn't admit it. "Look, usually the way things work out is when a guy likes a girl he asks her out and if things go well, the two get to snog! But apparently you missed that basic memo."

For a moment the red head sat there in stun disbelief. His blue eyes had become unfocused and Harry found himself glancing at his watch. If he didn't leave soon he'd be late for Hermione's lesson. How was he going to get out of this conversation with Ron? Perhaps he'd say he needed a book from the library. Then when he came back with Hermione he could be all, "Oh, well we met in the library!"

To which somebody would reply, "It took you an hour to get back?" How suspicious everybody would be…

"Are… are you saying I ought to ask Hermione out?" said Ron. He was really white and slowly turning green. The poor guy seemed like he was about to be sick. Harry reached out and put a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder.

"Yes!" he said firmly. "She's only been waiting about a year."

Ron gulped and mutely got to his feet, wandering over to the stairs to the boy's dormitory, and walking up them. He didn't even glance back at Harry. More than likely he'd gone to collapse on his bed. Or puke in the toilet. Possible both… Hopefully not in that order.

However, with both Weasleys safely in their dormitories, Harry had the perfect chance to escape. Remembering the excuse of the anti half breed club, Harry rushed through the hallways to the empty classroom. When he reached it he found himself looking at a door with a sign. At first glance it appeared to simply say "Stay Out!" On second glance, though, it said quite boldly:

Snogging 101 with Professor Granger.

Harry just about had a fit of giggles right out in the hallway. He slapped a hand over his mouth as a couple of sixth year Ravenclaws walked by, looking at him oddly. Probably – if Harry knew Hermione, which he ought to after five years – all they saw was the "Stay Out!" The other sign was probably just for his benefit. No wonder Hermione had come down here early.

Finally feeling the master of his emotions, Harry pushed open the door and walked in. His eyes immediately fell upon a single desk that was standing solitarily in the center of the room. Two chairs sat on either side, a blue tablecloth had been thrown over it, a rose in a vase adorned the middle, and there were two tea cups on both ends. It looked rather like a date.

He looked around but Hermione was no where to be seen. This was just brilliant. Feeling flustered, Harry looked around for somewhere else to sit. But it seemed like it was either at the desk or on the floor. He opted on the chair, but only on the edge, waiting impatiently for "Professor Granger" to show up.

Which she did in only a few minutes. She was wearing a knee length navy skirt and a skin tight black tank top. Hermione's hair was up in a practical ponytail and she was wearing silver hoped earrings. She looked, oddly enough, like she was about to go on a date.

Harry jumped to his feet, staring wildly from the table to Hermione.

"Calm down, Harry," said Hermione, rolling her eyes. "You wouldn't want to act like that on your first date with Cho, would you?"

Harry gaped at her. "You've lost me."

"This is lesson two," said Hermione, waving her hands at the table. "The First Date and Contact. Because normally you go on a date before the snogging begins. Usually, anyways."

"Right," said Harry, raising his eyebrows. He was still rather lost but he supposed it mad a small amount of sense. "I suppose we're cover Small Talk as well."

"If you'd like, Harry," said Hermione with a shrug.

That wasn't very like her. Harry stood there pondering. Yeah, the moment she stepped into the classroom the second lesson had begun and he'd probably failed some sort of test. Now was the moment to learn, though.

"Okay, what I do wrong?" said Harry, frowning.

"Nothing yet," said Hermione. "But you've done precisely that: nothing. So you might want to offer me a chair, Harry."

She flashed him a smile and Harry scrambled to pull out the seat he had been sitting in. Graciously Hermione took the seat and Harry attempted to push her in. Once she looked situated, he went over to the other side and tentatively sat down. Now what? Hermione was sitting there, looking at Harry, with a smile plastered on her face. Was he supposed to do something else now?

"Alright, we'll say that's a sufficient amount of time," said Hermione after five minutes of that. Harry let out his breath that he hadn't realized he had been holding. "I think we would have our drinks by now."

"I see," said Harry. Though honestly he didn't.

"I would estimate that after about five minutes in a small tea shop we would have ordered our drinks and received them," said Hermione. "At that point the true test begin."

"Enlighten me," said Harry. "What's step number one?"

Hermione giggled and then rested her hand on the table near the vase. They sat for a few moments entirely silent, Harry's eyes flashing from Hermione's hand to her face. He was completely lost. How was this supposed to help him.

"You fail," said Hermione, though she didn't move. "By this time Cho would have taken her hand away and be completely bored."

"So what?" said Harry, furrowing his brow.

"Grab my hand!" cried Hermione, looking amused but flabbergasted. "It's not like you didn't get enough practice at that by now!"

Perplexed, Harry reached out and gripped Hermione's hand. As soon as he did so, the atmosphere did feel more romantic. Harry grinned. He thought he got it now. Contact. Of course. And if there wasn't a bloody flower in the way, he could lean in and kiss Hermione on the lips. Now just to find a way to move that flower without making it utterly obvious…

"The next step would be conversation," said Hermione. "As strange as this may sound but sometimes girls like to hear what you have to say about them."

"I'm guessing you're not talking about compliments on breast size and firm butts," murmured Harry.

"No-o!" said Hermione, shaking her head. "More like smiles, hair, things we're good at…"

"So, I could compliment you on your outfit," said Harry, still half trying to figure out how to get ride of that darn flower. It was placed just squarely in front of his nose! "And then say how good you are in school. Though you don't need me to tell you that, since you should already know."

Hermione's cheeks went a little pink and she fluttered her eyelashes. "It's still good to hear, Harry." Then he face cleared and she seemed to be her usual self again. "But what about Cho?"

"She's in Ravenclaw so I probably could compliment her on those as well," laughed Harry. "I'd also mention Quidditch. And if we ever manage it, how well she does in the Defense lessons."

"How clever, Harry," said Hermione, beaming. "At which point she could turn the conversation around to how great a teacher you are, how brave you are, and probably talk about your seeker skills. Nice and subtle."

"Er…" said Harry, raising his eyebrows and pulling his hand out of Hermione's. He suddenly wasn't too keen on trying to kiss her anymore. His stomach was all in knots. "I'm not really.. I'm not trying… Look, what if I don't want Cho to talk about me?"

"Then you change the subject as soon as possible," said Hermione with a shrug. She reached out and pushed the vase to the side, leaning forward to rest her elbows on the table. What? Was he supposed to try and kiss her now? "Though I wouldn't let go of her hand just because she started talking about you."

"If she starts talking about me the conversation will eventually turn to Cedric," sighed Harry.

"Understandable," said Hermione, with a short nod. She looked at her watch and then slowly got to her feet. "I need to change back into my robes. Should we have our next lesson on Wednesday?"

"I'll let you know if I'm busy," said Harry, also getting to his feet feeling a little weary. This lesson hadn't been all that eventful. There certainly hadn't been any kissing. He started to leave but then paused by the door, looking back at Hermione. "Hey, Hermione…"

"Hmmm?"

"Was I supposed to kiss you?"

Hermione raised an eyebrow. "No, Harry. That wasn't what this lesson was about."

"Ah…" said Harry, faking understanding. Though honestly, he couldn't see what Hermione was taking so long to get to the crucial bit.

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Yes, why isn't Hermione going to the kiss already? Wonder when you'll get the find out :P

Anyways, thanks for those of you who have reviewed so far. I did not expect this to be this popular. I've never had a fanfic that got 6 reviews on its first chapter after only one day. *hands out cookies* Keep the reviews coming though. I'd love to hear what you think!


	3. Lesson Three

Title: Snogging 101 with Professor Granger

**Author:** Professor Writer

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter. And I'd also like the point out that I really don't own any of these pick up lines... nor do I suggest you use them! I found them online...

**Author's Note:** This is a Harry/Hermione fanfic. That said, I am a Hermione/Ron shipper. I obviously like H/Hr, otherwise I wouldn't be writing it. But I believe more strongly in Hr/R. That will come through strongly in this fanfic. For example, I do not turn Ron into a completely stupid prat and make it so it's okay that his feelings get hurt. I want him to have a fair chance. Thus, you will find stuff like this chapter... which is a strongly Hr/R themed chapter.

But never fear. Harry and Hermione do get together at the end of this fic. Not to give away the ending... but usually it's pretty obvious. Anyways,_ thank you so much for all of your reviews, guys!_ I especially want to thank those people who have reviewed chapter two ^_^ Sorry you waited longer for this chapter. My writing brain was not cooperating yesterday otherwise I would have gotten it out last night. I'm still not entirely happy with the way this turned out.

Read and review! Thank you.

**Lesson Three [With Assistant Professors Gred and Forge]: Pick up Lines**

Dumbledore's Army meetings had been underway for about a month thanks to Dobby. And Hermione's horrible knitting that made for the fact that Dobby was the only house-elf that would willingly clean the Gryffindor Common room. How Hermione had managed to find time to knit all those woolly hats was beyond Harry…

Still, with Harry's Defense lessons going on the Snogging Lessons had been put on hold. It wasn't like there was actually any snogging going on – what Hermione was thinking Harry would never be able to tell – but they'd get there eventually. Hopefully. And having to spend so much time with Cho, Harry was getting anxious about learning what to do real quick. This was not something he wanted to mess up.

"Be patient, Harry," Hermione hissed at him during History of Magic. Ron had fallen asleep so it had been a convenient time to ask. "The longer you wait the less likely Cho is to think about Cedric. Besides, you might want to ask her out first."

"I don't want her to say yes because she feels sorry about me," Harry growled back.

"_She_ doesn't want _you_ to ask her out because you feel sorry for her!" Hermione said back, her voice getting rather shrill.

Harry slammed down the quill he had not been using, about to come up with a retort. But either the sound of Hermione's voice or Harry's quill hitting desk had startled Ron awake. He goggled at his two friends for a moment before his ears went read and he placed his head back on his parchment meant for notes. Harry sincerely doubted Ron ever managed to nod off back to sleep.

Because he had to share a dormitory room with the Weasley who was just as nervous about Hermione as Harry was about Cho. Too bad there weren't any other conveniently single best friends around to help Ron out. Perhaps if Harry got lucky he would be able to give Ron a few pointers. But until he went on an official date with Cho everything Hermione taught him had to be kept in the strictest of confidences.

After all, he didn't want to get into a fight with his best mate about his other best mate. Harry was not interested in Hermione in that way. It wasn't because she wasn't beautiful or a wonderful girl. They were just friends and sometimes being friend was better than wanting to date one another. Certainly this whole business with Cho proved it. Why couldn't he be as calm around her as he was around Hermione?

"You _sure_ I ought to ask Hermione out?" Ron asked for the hundredth time as Harry was pulling off his shirt to get ready for bed. He threw his friend a dirty look over his bare shoulder.

"If you don't, I'm going to think you're gay," snapped Harry. "Now eyes the other way, bud!"

Sheepishly, Ron turned around on his bed as Harry continued to undress and get into his pajamas.

"So… I should…" Ron started again.

"Yes, Ron!" shouted all of the guys in their dormitory plus quite a few from the other dormitories, including Fred and George who had stuck their heads in.

With a moan Ron dropped his face into his hands. Taking pity on the guy, Harry gave the others a pleading glance and one by one they emptied out, giving the two friends some space. Though Harry still wasn't quite certain what to say. They hadn't covered how to ask a girl out in Snogging 101. Only what to do on the first date. What, did Hermione expect Harry to just automatically know how to because he had managed to get a date for the Yule Ball?

She had pretty high expectations for him.

"Don't force it, mate," said Harry, sitting down on Ron's bed. This was definitely something he could talk about safely. After all, that piece of advice _seemed_ to be working out with Cho. "Just wait for when the moment feels right."

"Harry," said Ron, turning to him with a pale face. "I hardly know what to say to her other than to get into an argument! How am I supposed to ask 'Mione out?"

Harry gagged visibly. "Mione?"

"Sorry…" mumbled Ron. "I just… I don't know, it's kind of become my…"

"Pet names already, iccle Ronikins?" said Fred… or George… striding into the boy's dormitory. Somehow Harry had the feeling they never had left.

"And you two aren't even dating yet!" added George. Harry was certain he had them sorted out, anyways. It was usually pretty simple to figure out since Fred usually seemed like the leader, speaking more, while George was more of the brain and tactic twin. He was the quieter second. Not that either of them could really be called quiet.

Though, they sometimes switched it up when they though somebody was catching on to who was who. Then Harry had no bloody clue which twin he was talking to.

"Get out!" snapped Ron, grabbing his pillow and throwing it at Fred. "It's not a pet name, it's just a… er… shortened name!"

"Right," said George, nodding sagely as Fred was momentarily distracted by projectile bed cushions.

"And to think we came here to help you out," said Fred, having seemingly one the grapple with the pillow. He was holding it an inch away from his face, breathing heavily. "Then you throw your pillow at me! I'm hurt."

Ron was frozen. Harry could tell his friend was stuck between saying "leave me alone" (probably the smarter option) and "help how?" (which seemed like the more useful option). Knowing Fred and George, however, either way could turn out nasty.

"Since we know you want to know, little brother," said George, grinning. "We'll tell you how anyways."

"Dating lessons!" said Fred, throwing the pillow back at Ron who merely bat it out of the way with his arm. His reflexes were quick and it was like hitting a quaffle away from the goal. Ron could make a really good Keeper if he just put his focus into it. "With Gred and Forge!"

"Like what?" said Ron, crossing his arms.

And that was when what Fred said actually caught up with the intelligent part of Harry's brain. More lessons? Wasn't Hermione enough of a relationship professor as it was? Sure, Hermione couldn't help Ron out with this particular problem. But if she taught Harry he could pass it on to his best friend. He had no problem doing that.

That was how it normally went! In fact, these lessons with Hermione were entirely bonkers. Only she would come up with something as ridiculous as practicing something as natural and spontaneous as a kiss! Though if that were all true then Fred and George wouldn't be offering lessons and Harry wouldn't have agreed to Hermione's mad idea.

He really needed to stop having double standards on everything. Life worked the way it did and he wasn't going to over analyze it. Usually when Harry tried to analyze things Snape ended up the bad guy, Draco was involved somehow, and the real bad guy was the victim. He was pretty certain he wasn't over analyzing Umbridge, though. But, then again, everybody had liked Moody and he had turned out not to be who everybody thought he was.

Harry nearly shuddered at the thought of the same being true of Umbride.

"Um… Harry? Are you alright?"

Apparently Harry had gone into a complete daze. He blinked and looked up at the red headed twins with a questioning look on his face.

"Did you want to join us?" George inquired.

"Yeah, sure, whatever…" said Harry, getting up from Ron's bed and going to his own. "Sorry guys, I'm tired. See you in the morning."

Said morning came earlier for Harry than he had anticipated. He woke up in a cold sweat from a strange dream of Dobby chasing after him reciting love poetry while Ron was holding hands with George at blue table clothed desk trying to kiss him. Then Hermione had walked in wearing all pink like Umbridge and "hem hem"ing. Though if that wasn't bad enough as soon as Harry woke up he realized what he had agreed to.

He had agreed to sit in on Fred and George's dating lessons. With a groan, Harry slapped his forehead. He was such an idiot. Never again was he going to open up his mouth without thinking.

Okay, probably a lie. But it might happen!

It was bad enough he'd had a weird dream, had woken up early, and knew he had already agreed to some dating lessons when he was already doing snogging lessons with Hermione. But all of this was happening on a Saturday. Because, yes, sometimes the entire universe was pitted against Harry.

Even better was the fact that, Fred and George intended on the lessons that day. On Saturday. They had passed Ron a note during breakfast which he had opened only after Hermione had retreated to the library. Both of them were expected at the Room of Requirement after lunch. This would be interesting…

Feigning a studying trip, Harry and Ron lost Hermione after lunch and made their way to the Room of Requirement. A door was already waiting for them and they stepped through into what looked like your ordinary class. With only two student desks, of course. And a giant blackboard at the front where Fred and George were standing in long robes and square shaped hats with tassels hanging from them.

"Take your seats," said Fred, pointing with a ruler to the only two available chairs.

"Lesson number one will be," George said, turning to the blackboard with a piece of chalk. In Harry's mind he changed it to lesson three. "Pick up lines."

Harry slapped a hand to his forehead. Yes, because that was a useful thing to learn. When in the history of dating did those ever work?

"Before you ask," said Fred. "I have used many and quite a few have worked."

"So we pass down to the younger generation," said George, having finished writing on the chalk board. "The ones that have been successful."

"Saving you the torture of using inadequate ones," Fred confirmed. "So let us begin with one that would be perfect for Ron no matter what girl he wants to pick up."

George tapped the blackboard with his wand. Why hadn't he done that before? Slowly words scrawled themselves across the surface.

I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often?

"Though for Ron, we'd substitute 'amnesia' with 'idiocy'," George said.

"Hey!" snapped Ron, his ears going red.

"A classic one to use," said Fred, also tapping the blackboard. "Would be this one."

I'd need a map to keep myself from getting lost in your eyes.

"Do people seriously say stuff this cheesy?" Harry sighed, about ready to leave. This was utterly ridiculous. He was certainly learning a lot more from Hermione than he could possible gain from these two idiots.

Especially with moronic stuff like "getting lost in your eyes." Who honestly said that sort of thing?

Fred and George exchanged a look, each of them frowning. Finally, they turned back, taking off their ridiculous hats and robes. These they flung aside before Fred grabbed a table that had appeared, dragging it in front of Ron and Harry, while George settled a blonde wig on his head.

"What are you two doing?" said Ron, mouth gaping.

"Performance time," said Fred, wagging a finger at his younger brother.

George, looking very much like a drag queen in his obviously fake long blonde hair, sat down at the desk, pretending to drink something. Fred then swaggered over, placing a hand on the desk and his other on the back of George's chair. Harry nearly gagged at the image. Then George made a dramatic sniff, acting like he – or she – were wiping away a tear.

"Hey, don't worry about it," said Fred, cupping George's chin. Ron fell out of his chair. "Nothing that you've ever done before counts. The only thing that matters is that we're together."

"Oh, Forge!" cried George in a falsetto.

"Stop, oh stop, please," said Ron, pounding his forehead to the floor which was, surprisingly, carpeted and probably would not do much damage.

"We're done," said George, throwing off the wig. "Now it's your turn, Ron."

Ron looked up with a face of cold fury that quite plainly told them that no way in any part of hell was he doing that.

"Don't worry, it won't be with either of us," said Fred, indicating both twins. "And you don't have to be the girl."

Harry saw the pit trap even as he said, "Well, if Ron isn't the girl and neither of you will be…"

"You've got it Harry," said George, dragging Harry to his feet and slapping a brunette wig on his head. Then he shoved Harry behind the desk. "You get to play the girl."

"It's not like you have to do anything, bud," said Fred, dragging Ron to the side of the room where they stood there whispering for a moment. Harry could feel his cheeks darkening and he glared fiercely at George who merely whistled.

Suddenly a shaking hand was on Harry's shoulder and he looked up into Ron's eyes. He was definitely going to be sick.

"Y-you're… like a dictionary," said Ron, stammering at first and then dropping into a monotone, his eyes flickering around the room. "You bring meaning to my life."

"Very sweet," said Harry. "Don't touch me."

Ron's hand jumped off Harry's shoulder as Fred clucked his tongue.

"Come on, Ron!" Fred was saying. "Add more feeling to that. Tell Hermione how you really feel!"

Harry gave him the worst glare he could manage wearing a brown haired wig. Though it probably made him seem more like Hermione before Ron confidently walked around the desk to stand opposite Harry.

"Should I smile because we're friends," said Ron, reaching out and grabbing Harry's hand. "Or cry because that's all we'll ever be?"

Harry raised his free hand in a fist. "Smile, damn it!"

Ron jumped backwards, his face going entirely red. Harry got to his feet, ripping of the wig and throwing it at Fred. "Lesson's over. You're all idiots."

He settled down for dinner early, still fuming over the Weasley idiocy. Honestly, Harry was starting to wonder what Hermione saw in Ron. The guy had no decency.

"How was your… studying?" said Hermione, sitting down next to him. "Get anything done?"

"Bad, and nothing worth a damn," growled Harry, poking at his steak. "I'll tell you later," he added at Hermione's bewildered look because he had spotted Ron walking into the Great Hall.

"Hey, Ron," said Hermione, sound confused still. "I was just talking to Harry about your studying…"

"You know, Hermione," said Ron, smiling slyly. "If you were words on a page, you'd be what they call _fine_ print."

Ron flashed Harry a confident grin. Harry groaned and nearly dropped his head onto his plate. Hermione paused for a moment before saying,

"Thank you, Ron."

Maybe she didn't have a thing for Ron. Because nobody in their right mind would have taken such a stupid thing like that with a simple "thank you." Nobody!

Then again. Maybe Hermione wasn't in her right mind… Perhaps it was Harry's turn to teach the Professor.


	4. Lesson Four

Author's Note: Wow! I have 31 reviews O.O Thank you guys! Every single one of you who have responded, especially those who have reviewed chapter three (you know who you are) thank you very much.

However... I got one review that said I needed to get on with the story =D I'm not one of those "this fanfic is just about kissing" writers. In fact, I really want to make this a believable Harry/Hermione story which means I want them to fall for each other _during _this actual fanfic. I know this emotional stuff about dating isn't always that much fun to read, but this is my fanfic and I'll write it the way I want to.

On another note, I did try and pick it up here. And the kissing will begin in about two chapters (think you can hang on that long?) Then this will actually be a snogging fanfic. I'm sorry the title has been misleading. I haven't meant to mislead anybody! I actually did not at first plan for this fanfic to be this long. It was going to be just a couple of chapters, mostly dealing with humor and kissing. Then it turned serious (mostly thanks to Ron... because I hate him being depressed).

Disclaimer: I do not own anything! I also am really sorry for all of my mistypes and errors that you've had to deal with... I don't have a beta and I'm not serious enough about this fanfic to go through and edit the chapters myself. I'm writing it for my own pleasure and have decided to share this awesomeness with you guys.

Please read and review ^_^ Thank you

Lesson Four: Asking Out and Turning Down

"I thought you wanted to go out with Ron!"

The red head in question was currently in detention with Professor McGonagall for using a rather suggestive pick up line on Lavender Brown. Lavender had giggled like a school girl – well, she was one so it was appropriate… but annoying – and turned a bright shade of pink. McGonagall had not found it amusing and sent Ron about writing lines. Probably something along the lines of "I will not be a regular teenage boy and think of sex every ten seconds every day."

Though apparently Hermione had read that the average amount of time between sexual thoughts in the average male was seven seconds. Sheesh, she could find anything in a library!

What had been odd was Hermione's lack of response to _anything_ Ron did! It was almost scary. In fact, Hermione rarely reacted to anything anybody did anymore. It was like she was in a complete state of shock. She had also seemingly forgotten about the snogging lessons. Harry also hadn't had a chance to relay the events of that weekend with the disastrous dating lessons with Fred and George.

Though apparently Ron had gotten a thing or two out of them.

"Of course I do, Harry," said Hermione in the most neutral voice that had ever come from her mouth.

"But?" prompted Harry.

She blinked and looked up at him. "No but, Harry," Hermione said, and a little feeling crept into her voice. It was relieving. "I want to go out with Ron. When he's ready…"

"You don't think he is?" said Harry astounded.

"No I don't," sighed Hermione, going back to her essay for a few moments. Harry stared at her dumbfounded. Finally, the brunette gave a heavy sigh and pushed away her homework. "Any teenage boy can come up with silly pick up lines, Harry. It takes somebody who _really_ wants to be with you to ask you out!"

"He wants to Hermione…" whispered Harry, looking away as tears started to stream down her face. "He didn't know how. You two are always fighting, he thinks that's the only thing he knows how to do with you."

"How very perceptive of him," sniffed Hermione.

Harry caught her gaze, frowning heavily. "All you ever do is criticize! It's not entirely Ron's fault if the best he can do is take Fred and George's advice to try and do something _different_," scoffed Harry.

"Fred and George?" said Hermione incredulously.

"_Yes_!" said Harry. And he quickly explained about the dating lessons.

"Oh my," gasped Hermione, hands up to her mouth. "I didn't realize… Harry, you asked Patil out!"

"I didn't like her though," Harry pointed out. "It's different."

"You managed to ask Cho out to the ball!" cried Hermione, looking almost miserable. "Please tell me you had _some_ advice to give Ron."

Harry's mouth gaped open at the way Hermione was reacting. With an anguished sob, Hermione dropped her face into her hands. Yes, she had been expecting a lot out of Harry. He felt a little uncomfortable, like he had let her down. Let both of his friends down, actually. Why hadn't he brought up asking girls out in their last lesson?

"I'm sorry, Hermione," said Harry. "I… I hardly know how to speak to Cho, let alone ask her out. How could you expect me to help Ron out?"

"Alright, that's it!" snapped Hermione, looking up with completely tearless eyes. "Lesson three!"

"Four," said Harry. "I'm counting Fred and George's even if it is a failed one…"

The glare Hermione gave him was withering but he didn't flinch. At least, he attempted not to flinch. Harry might have and may not have noticed. But Hermione took a deep breath and huffed once.

"Very well, Lesson four! Asking a girl out."

At which point she promptly prattled on and on about girl's feelings and the different ways to ask them out. The more she went on the more Harry had a sinking feeling she had no clue what she was saying. It was a convoluted mess that was just going to keep going and going. What Hermione was really doing was ranting. Harry frowned, but every word he said contrary – or even in agreement to – anything she said just made Hermione keep going.

Almost nothing seemed capable of stopping the explosion that was Hermione's hurt feelings that he hadn't been capable of giving Ron Weasley advice on how to ask her out the right way. Was there really a right and a wrong way? Or was there just Hermione's way and some other girl's way? Harry felt, though, that it all had something to do with the person asking out. Hermione couldn't expect Ron to change who he was as a fundamental person to suit her.

But she wasn't shutting up long enough to hear him. So finally Harry grabbed her face and planted a wet one on her lips. It certainly stopped Hermione from jabbering away and Harry finally was able to force her into the actual point of their lessons. However she just sat there, completely unmoving while Harry pressed his lips against her face. They sat like that for about a minute before he finally pulled away.

"That bad, huh?" Harry said, frowning.

"I didn't say that," said Hermione, her voice back to that neutral tone she'd taken ever since Ron had used that pick up line on her.

"You didn't do anything," Harry pointed out.

"You surprised me," Hermione said, frowning.

"You're supposed to be teaching me how to kiss," Harry said, raising his eyebrows. "Or have you just been leading me on?"

"Of course not, Harry," said Hermione, rolling her eyes. "Listen… I just. I jumped to an idea I haven't been comfortable following through with just yet. Harry, your Ron's best friend… I don't want things to be awkward between you two when, if, Ron and I start dating."

"Or you don't want it to be awkward for you," said Harry, frowning. That made a certain amount of sense. Then he sighed. "And I just ruined the whole point for you to be doing this by kissing you, haven't I?"

"Not all," said Hermione with a shrug. "But can we get back to this weeks actual lesson?"

"Only if you listen to me first," said Harry. Hermione raised her eyebrows but sat back in her seat, allowing him to say what he wanted to. "It's all well and good to prattle on about your emotions and how a guy should be subtle but clear on his purpose. Not to mention, we're supposed to be completely in charge of dates-"

"I never said-"

"Hermione, please let me finish," said Harry, holding up a hand. "All of those things you said… Ron can't do! Not right now anyways. So either you hold off on dating him completely or you allow him to grow into it on his own terms!"

They sat there in silence for a while, Harry feeling a little breathless – either from his rant or the rather eventless kiss – and Hermione dumb struck. She was staring at Harry like he was a genius but a little bit mad as well. Well, maybe Harry was just that. Call him Harry Potter, the mad genius. At least in relationships… and only other people's. He still couldn't figure out Cho. One moment she was fumbling around with the spells in the DA meetings and the next she was tearing up at the very sight of him and rushing off to a bathroom.

"Alright, Professor Potter," laughed Hermione, pulling her essay toward and getting started on it. "Fine. I'll let Ron ask me out again and we'll see what happens."

"You're not even going to tell me you're going to say yes?" said Harry, flabbergasted. He wasn't sure he wanted to tell Ron to try again – not that he had actually tried – if he was just going to get shot down.

"I don't even know yet, Harry," Hermione told him with a shrug. "Just like you don't know if you're going to suggest to him to try and ask me out."

They left the empty classroom they had been using for studying after Hermione had finished her essay and looked over Harry's. They didn't really talk about much except the occasional flame on Umbridge or what to do at the next DA meeting. It was the things they were most comfortable discussing and it didn't involve Ron in any way, shape, or form.

That night Harry gave Ron a brief overview of Hermione's thoughts and feelings about a guy asking her out. He said he had gotten it from Ginny who had dealt with Hermione's rant, instead of Harry. It shouldn't be that big of deal. For some reason it actually brightened Ron's mood and he went to bed humming tunelessly under his breath.

Harry, on the other hand, was nervous. He wasn't sure if he was doing the right thing. Would Hermione turn Ron down? Would Harry have to deal with his two best mates going out? What if Ron didn't even take into consideration _anything_ Harry had just told him?

And a small part of him – the part most frustrated with the lack of kissing in their kiss that afternoon – didn't want the two to go out at all. Didn't want Ron to be interested or for Hermione to be interested either.

That part of Harry he beat down with a Beaters bat until he could safely go to sleep. The next morning he found himself the only person still in the dormitory and with a sinking feeling in his stomach, Harry quickly got dressed and ran down into the common room. Everybody was there, seemingly doing their own thing. But their eyes kept glancing up from the direction Harry had just come from. He could feel their disappointment seep over him when they realized Harry wasn't whoever they were waiting for.

A few seconds later, however, Ron came down whistling and looking rather chipper. He gave Harry a nod as he came down the stairs two at a time and making his way over to where Hermione was sitting reading a book.

"Morning, Ron," Hermione said without looking up.

Ron hesitated, glancing over his shoulder. Dean and Seamus both grinned and urged him to go on silently. So Ron squared his shoulders and Harry had to right down the urge to groan. It was coming. A disappointment for somebody in this room. He could see Lavender watching the pair with evil in her eyes.

"Morning, Hermione," said Ron, still standing. Hermione seemed to take the hint – though she had probably seen this coming since yesterday – and slowly lowered her book. "Look, I don't really know how you feel, because I'm not you. But I know, at least pretty well, how I feel. And I really like you Hermione."

The Gryffindor Common Room had never been so utterly silent. It was so quiet the silence was deafening. Harry almost wanted to rip off his ears so they'd stop ringing with the utter noiselessness of the room. It distracted away from the deep breath Hermione took, and the ticking motors of thought that were completely indecipherable in her head.

"That's very sweet of you, Ron," said Hermione slowly. "And thank you for being honest. But I honestly don't know how I feel right now. Can we wait a couple of days?"

It was like they were reading some sort of script! Harry's mouth dropped. That wasn't a bloody yes or a no! What was Hermione playing at? Hadn't _she_ been the one talking about feelings just yesterday? What, it only referred to female feelings? Ron had feelings too! In fact, Harry had feelings and they were rather confused at the moment.

"That's subtle for you don't like me," said Ron, his face dropping.

"I didn't say that!" said Hermione, looking a little flustered. She stared at Harry pleadingly over Ron's shoulder who was so forlorn he didn't even notice. Harry felt lucky. It almost looked as if Hermione was confused between whether she liked Harry or Ron instead of just pleading for Harry to deal with his friend.

"Give her some time, mate," said Harry, slinging an arm across Ron's shoulder and escorting him out of the common room. "You two are only fifteen. It's not like you're going to meet your soul mate right now!"

Ron groaned as they walked through the hallways but gave Luna Lovegood, who was skipping through the halls, a short wave.

"It's not like I'm in _love_ with Hermione or anything," snorted Ron, though his face was still that love sick white that he'd had since Hermione had… told him to wait on an answer. "But I never will be if we don't start going out!"

"Who says you two have to fall in love at all?" Harry asked, trying to sound innocent. Trying to make this seem as if he was trying to make Ron feel better. As she sat down at the table for breakfast Cho waved across the Great hall and a smile spread across Harry's face.

Ron glanced between Harry and Cho and burst out laughing. Well, at least he was feeling better. Harry glared.

"Oh, come on, Harry!" choked Ron. "Like you don't wish Cho were 'the one.' But, look at it reasonably-" (when in the history of the universe did that phrase ever come out of Ron's mouth? Apparently today…) "-Hermione and I are strangely compatible. The only other person she gets along well with, or at least can stand well enough to continue to talk to for long period of times, is you. And you're head over heels in love with Cho."

"And Hermione likes you, not me," Harry pointed out.

"Maybe," said Ron, with a shrug. "She certainly seems to act like it."

"You're being very calm about this," said Harry, brow furrowed.

"Don't worry," said Ron, piling his plate with food and shoving it in his mouth. "I'll cry like a little baby tonight after everybody is asleep."

Harry frowned but he didn't very much doubt that. Now if only he could force Hermione to first, show Harry how to actually kiss – not that pathetic excuse for one yesterday afternoon – and then secondly, _go out with Ron_. Then Harry could ask Cho out and one way or another everybody would be happy. Harry needed to see a little bit of happiness in everybody's lives.

It didn't matter that they were fifteen. Voldemort might kill them one way or another.

* * *

Wow... that turned kind of dark there at the end. But this does take place during Order of the Phoenix when Harry is supposed to be angsty and emo. I've changed that a bit to suit my fanfic... But that doesn't mean the same issues don't apply.

I had planned for this chapter to be later in the fanfic. But the way things turned out last chapter (which I had never planned for, it just kind of wrote itself (Ron is doing a very good job of making me feel guilty) I decided I needed this to move forward a little. Which means the actual snogging got pushed further into the fanfic.

I hope you guys continue to read! I'll try to have chapter five up in a couple of day :D


	5. Lesson Five

Author's note: Um... this is a short chapter. I apologize in advance but... Yeah.

On another note, I'm really surprised at the popularity this fanfic is gaining. O.O I am so used to after a few days of getting maybe one or two good reviews and then one bad review. A bad review I still don't agree with even after tons of time. So basically I'm on edge when it comes to reviews. Anything that may sound negative I automatically take negatively. I don't want you guys to censure yourself... but just understand that I may jump to conclusions about what you're saying. However, I want to thank everybody for their love of this fanfic.

It is pulling to a close. I imagine that there will be... three more chapters after this. I'm really sorry for those who may be dissapointed with how quickly I plan on ending this... but this fanfic hadn't actually been meant to be more than a chapter. It just grew in my mind. In fact, the first idea wasn't even a Harry/Hermione fanfic. But it turned into one as I started planning it out.

I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! As always, read and review. Thank you much.

Disclaimer: Oh boy... no, I don't own any of this.

Lesson Five: Intimacy on a Couch, or Snuggling

The next day Hermione slipped a note into Harry's pocket in between classes. He gave her a grim look as she scurried off because Ron had just caught up. The two were simply avoiding each other and it was annoying. Especially since it wasn't as if they had gotten into a fight. In fact, Harry would quite like it if the two would fight! Then this avoidance would be reasonable and there wouldn't be any false hope.

"Bugger'd off again, has she?" growled Ron, eyes watching Hermione's bushy brown hair weave through the hallways. "I wish she'd just say it to my face. We deserve to stay friends, doncha think?"

"She'll say yes eventually, Ron," said Harry, clutching at the note in his pocket.

But of course the Weasley was sullen for the rest of the day. Ron seemed to have turned bipolar. At one moment he could be laughing about something that wasn't really that funny and the next he was poking a pea around his plate and looked about ready to cry. It was the most pathetic thing Harry had ever seen. He was about to have one of his mood swing angst attacks at the red head. There was no way he could handle Ron's moodiness and Hermione's silence for much longer.

He was the one having weird dreams connected to Voldemort and having to deal with Umbridge. Not to mention the fact that Dumbledore still wasn't talking to him and nobody really believed that Voldemort was back, claiming Harry to no only be lying but off his rocker. Yet his two best friends were stuck in their own eternal teenager dramas.

Some days Harry wished he could just forget about the outside world and focus upon Cho just as much as Ron and Hermione seemed focused on each other.

The note had been details for the next Snogging lesson. Harry was almost tempted not to go, his brain scheming to send Ron instead to surprise Ron. Almost tempted though. Apparently the teenage boy won out and Harry found himself quite eager as she walked through the hallways to the empty classroom.

It had changed quite a bit since that first day. All of the desks had been cleared out, the dust and cobwebs magicked away. Instead of plush red couch took up almost an entire wall and somehow Hermione had managed to bring in a… television? Though he had never read "Hogwarts, A History" Harry had heard Hermione say several times that muggle items didn't work on school grounds.

What was the television for?

"Welcome to Lesson four," said Hermione, popping up from behind the television and settling down on the couch. "I mean, lesson five. Intimacy on a couch. Or snuggling."

"Still no kissing?" said Harry. He had meant it to be teasing but somehow it escaped as a whine.

Hermione gave him a grin and for just a second the drama of the last week and a half disappeared from Harry's mind. He took one step forward, ready to plop down on the couch… then paused, crossing his arms.

"Listen, Hermione," said Harry forcibly. "You're driving Ron mad! You can't do this forever to the guy. Besides, we're all friends. I'd like to be able to continue to hang out… you know, in public."

The whine returned as Harry continued. He felt so pathetic, like he was begging Hermione to spend time with him again. In fact he had this very vivid image of them walking down the hallways hand in hand… Ron right next to Harry of course.

No, that was wrong. Ron should be holding hands with Hermione. As well. Yes, all three of them holding hands.

That was wrong too. Harry's mind just didn't like him today.

"I wasn't lying to him when I said I wasn't sure," said Hermione with a frown. "I've had a crush on him for quite some time, Harry. But then I dated Victor and… well, now I think I've got a crush on somebody else."

"Who?" said Harry, frowning.

"If I tell you, you'll tell Ron," said Hermione stubbornly. "Then somebody would get hurt and I don't want that."

He didn't like the explanation but the teenage boy was getting frustrated. Hermione was sitting all alone on that couch and Harry was picking a fight with her instead of snogging… snuggling with her. Plus his curiosity really wanted to know what was up with the television that by all rights couldn't belong on Hogwarts's ground.

"What's up with this?" asked Harry, jerking a thumb at the television as he slowly walked over to the couch.

"Dumbledore gave me permission to watch a movie," said Hermione, a smile spreading across her face. "So with a few good spells the muggle apparatus ought to work in here. They worked in Muggle Studies after all."

"Oh."

Harry was strangely excited at the idea of watching a movie. After all while living with the Dursleys the only time he had managed any television time was when they actually left him alone at the house. That wasn't very often. From what he understood television was a wonderful thing and he had quite missed out on it. But part of his mind was more interested in the fact that Hermione was wearing that tank top and skirt number again. She really didn't dress up like that often. Actually, except for maybe one hot summer day, Harry didn't think she dressed up like that at all.

"So what are we watching?" Harry asked.

"First," said Hermione, turning to face Harry. "We're going to talk about snuggling. This is the gateway to snogging. Do you remember what you learned in the first lesson?"

"You mean all about where to touch you and where not to?" Harry asked, frowning slightly as he thought.

"Precisely. Well most of those rules still apply," Hermione said, before flipping back part of her skirt to reveal most of her white thigh. "Except now that we're sitting down, not standing up, the legs are open."

Harry swallowed. Hard. He had never been much of a leg sort of guy. He liked hair, faces, and eyes. Those were what had attracted him to Cho. But now that Hermione was practically flashing them in front of him, Harry really couldn't help but notice the soft curves of her thigh and calf. He could practically imagine the feel of her velvety skin under his warm hand.

"Pay attention," said Hermione, smoothing out her skirt again. Harry blinked and focused upon her face again. "Good. Now, unless the plan is to snog the key to good snuggling is less. A gentle touch here, a small kiss there, a little squeeze…" As she said this Hermione pointed out first her far shoulder and arm, then the nape of her neck, and finally her hip and thigh. Harry was about ready to pass out and he hadn't actually _touched_ her yet.

What would it be like with Cho?

"Harry!"

"What?" blubbered Harry, his eyes focusing. He felt his cheeks turn a little pink.

"Are you ready to practice before I start the movie?" Hermione said, as if repeating. Had he really lost that much focus? This could be dangerous.

"No…" Harry said, his heart pounding. "But I suppose if I don't now I never will."

A sly smile on her face Hermione leaned back into the couch as if pretending watch a movie. Slowly Harry slipped his arm across her shoulder, leaning her in toward him. Her head tilted and brown hair cascaded over his shoulder. Tentatively, Harry kissed the top of her head, paused, and finally reached down to rest his hand on her thigh. His hand trembled as he met flesh but Hermione grabbed his wrist and forced him to stay there for just a little while.

Finally, feeling it was too much, Harry pulled away breathing heavily.

"You were doing fine, Harry," said Hermione, flicking her skirt so it lay straight again. She wasn't looking at him and continued to stare at her lap. "Pretend like I'm Cho. Remember, that's the purpose of these lessons…"

Harry's hands clenched in his laps a couple of times and he bit at the inside of his cheek. Yeah, that damned purpose. Just like the purpose of Fred and George's had been to get Ron to ask Hermione out. Well, they had done that but the two weren't actually going out. Like the purpose of the DA was to learn defensive magic from Harry and though they were doing that it was mostly to rebel against Umbridge.

The purpose of these lessons was so that Harry could successfully kiss Cho! That's all it had ever been and Hermione was practically training him to be the perfect boyfriend. Maybe in some strange hope that if she made one in the world Harry could help turn the others into Mr. Right. Well, it was stupid. These were snogging lessons, not dating lessons, not touching lessons, not etiquette lessons! Snogging.

"And what if I don't want to pretend that you're Cho?" snapped Harry. He could feel that anger that was always just below the surface bubble up. But he pushed it down because he didn't want to get angry at Hermione. "I mean, what is that comment supposed to bloody mean, anyways? That you're not as good as Cho?"

"No," said Hermione, looking up with a perplexed frown on her face. "I simply meant it so that you didn't feel awkward with me."

"But I'm _not_," said Harry exasperatedly. "I have never ever been nervous around you Hermione! You have no idea how many times I really was just about ready to grab you and kiss you. I didn't because I liked Cho."

There was, of course, that failed almost non kiss that Harry had forced on her the other day. No nerves about that. None. Really, Harry was so comfortable around Hermione it was shocking.

Hermione's eyebrows knit together. "Liked?"

Harry's mouth dropped open as the full reality of what he had just said hit him. He was still… attracted to Cho Chang. That was certainly true. But knowing just how nervous he got around her any true relationship with the Ravenclaw seeker was insane. On the other hand, there was Hermione.

"Yeah, liked," Harry mused.

"I liked Ron, too…"

Harry looked up and met Hermione's eyes where a small wild fire was slowly beginning to form. He gaped at her for a moment as she slowly reached out and put a hand on Harry's shoulder. He too reached out, cupping her waist, his body having an entire mind of its own. Though his actual mind didn't rebel much against it.

Then gripping her thigh and a hand in her hair, Harry pushed Hermione backwards on the couch and pressed his lips against hers.

* * *

*cough* Sorry, leaving you hanging there. Originally this chapter wasn't going to have the kiss in it but... Then it sort of happened. Anyways, hope you like. And I also hope that so far Harry and Hermione's attraction to one another has made sense even though I've been very subtle about it. I like subtle. I dislike fanfics that blatantly put out there "Oh, he always was attracted to this person but they were this... but now..." No, no. I want this to make a certain amount of sense.

Please review if you liked it ^_^ Or if you just want to get mad at me for not going into more detail XD I'm not a big fan of writing make out sessions. I've been in plenty to have enough experience but... I haven't quite gotten good at writing them yet.


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